The Great Brain Robbery/Transcript

And that is how I'll eat-erize the new killer chiller cone. We'll take three killer chillers, squeeze and frank you. [all gasping] They said it couldn't be done. Or shouldn't be done. Yet here it is done. [all coughing]
 * Melivn: Out of my way, Farty Girls! Filled each one myself with my signature recipe.Fifty percent bean burrito, 50% cabbage, 100% my butt!

[coughing] Bravo! We bow to you, Stinky One. [groaning] Classic Melvin. [whimpers]
 * Audrey: Uh, Melvin? About to kick your butt here.

Whoa. Did I ice him with the power of my mind? Maybe his body got replaced by an evil alien. Like in that movie, My Body Got Replaced By An Evil Alien. All that ice cream must've given him brain freeze. He ate it pretty fast. [shivering] 'Sup, Mel-man? Who are you? I'm the scoop of Back In The Day. I'm the scoop of Right Here, Right Now. I'm the scoop Who's Yet To Come, man. We're here to help you. -[chomping] -Ow! Dude, seriously? There's somethin' we need to show you. These are, like, memories from throwback times. [projector whirring] [dreamy music] Wow! I had no idea I was such a pranking prodigy. These are from the now. Whoo-hoo! Yeah! [cackling] [laughs] Quality 'stache work. And these are your future, brah. I'm sorry. You'll never fart again. Please, Doc, there must be a way. Maybe with a butt transplant. But I'm afraid the only donors who match your butt type are [screams] Wow, Pinkeye made it through medical school. [screams] That's right, the way things are goin', your future is fartless. [echoing] Fartless. [gasps] Harvey Girls! I'm so happy to see you. No, we're happy to see you! Wait, what? During my brain freeze, a talking dessert made me realize what a Grade A jerkathon I've been. I'm sorry. This is a trick, right? My tricking days are over. So how about it, girls, can you forgive me? Uh I never prepared for a moment like this. Pass. Well, my favorite Crush 4U song is Forgive and forget Down on the dance floor [grunts] So why not? Why not? Let me consult the list of all the meanazoid stuff you've done. Okay. "The time you burped into my eyeball, and it really burned. " "The time you connected all of Dot's dots. " "The time you tied Lotta's bunnies' ears together. " And it was a double knot, you monster! Please, how can I make it right? Harvey huddle. This is a rare opportunity that we have been presented with, ladies. If payback is on the menu, I want a feast. -Agreed. -That sounds okay. [Melvin] Oh, thank you, thank you! Just to be clear, this is still a trick, right? I can't wait to see how it pays off! Why do we even bother huddling? [timer ringing] Oh, thanks, Melvin. I guess revenge really is sweet. Okay, I fed your goldfish. I also found your goldfish. Oh, hey, lil' buddy? Was that your name? I organized your sticker drawers from most glittery to most-most glittery. And I reprogrammed your chairs to make them extra back punch-y. I'm using my back-punching expertise for good. Now this is how you relax. So what nice things can I do next? Oh, you've done plenty already. Are you kidding? We still have so much payback to get paid back! Come on, remember the time he put glue on the swing set? Yeah, or the time he put glue on our keyboard. Or that time he stole all of our glue! Your glares are well-earned. I still have a lot to make up for. I know! What if I give you this? [gasps] You're giving us your tree house? Oh. I was going to give you this bucket. It's good for carrying stuff, has a handle and everything. But okay, yeah, the tree house is yours! You deserve it after all I've put you through. Yes! This is gonna be rad-some! We can build a tram to connect the tree house to our HQ and Well, the extra space would be perfect for my cuteness overload bunny annex, but are you sure? -Won't the other Bloogeys be upset? -[Pinkeye] No! Nah. Take it. I'm sure you don't have some big trick reason for doing this. [whispering] I'm winking because I know this is all still a trick. Please tell us this is still a trick. It's not a trick. Wow, he's really committing to this trick. See? They seem really cool with it. And we finally get the payback we deserve. It will be a fun redecorating challenge. From farts to fabulous! [rooster crowing] I made breakfast! [screams] [gasps] Melvin, when did you get here? I've been here all night. I fluffed your pillows and adjusted your blankets, in case you wanted any payback while you slept. I did achieve peak REM in each sleep cycle, but still Until I do enough to make up for the past, I'll keep nice-ing any nicey-ness that needs to be niced. [all shrug] [Melvin] Ooh, allow me. Oh, Vampire Love Chronicles. Oh, those books are so long. Ooh, allow me to tell you what happens. Cynthia chooses Count Steve in the end. [all groan] Three, two, one, bunny stage dive! Oh, these were in your way. Allow me to have already allowed myself to have done that. Harvey floor huddle. This must end. Melvin has caused our fun levels to drop 600%. That is an all-time Harvey Girls low. I don't get it! When Melvin was a jerk, I wanted to punch him. And now that he's nice, I want to punch him more. [grunts] -Maybe I just like punching. -We have to do something. Yes, Old Melvin was kind of a yuck-ball, but New Melvin won't leave us alone. Psst. What are we talking about? Does no one respect the sanctity of the huddle? Melvin, let's chat. Dear playground acquaintance, you've done so many nice things, but you can stop now. Consider payback officially achieved. Now please go. [chuckles] Oh, no, no, no. Nice try. You may have gotten payback for the things I did, but you haven't even seen the things I was planning. Oh, the humanity! How would you even get all those ferrets? Audrey: “Why would you marry me?” Melvin: “Oh, don't worry, that was Old Melvin.” New Melvin isn't going to leave your side, even if I have to spend the rest of my life making things up to you. I guess if you still want to make things up to us, uh, you'll return my library book. Yeah, that I lost three years ago. [sighs] That'll buy us some time. Fredo, Pinkeye, we need some help. Guys, you have to help us! We pushed Melvin too far, and now we can't get rid of him. What is all that stuff? Our preparations for the big trick! Any moment now Melvin's gonna give us the signal. There's no signal. There's no trick. Melvin is nice now. [both sobbing] -We want the old Melvin back! -Oh, Melvin! You know him better than us. How do we snap him out of this? [sobs] Melvhmm. Perhaps if you remind him of his all-time favorite thing. Action figures he can't play with because it'll decrease their value? No. Something he loves even more. [dramatic music] Yo, Melvin! Up here! But I haven't found your library book yet. Forget the book! Catch! What is this? You know what it is, Melvin. You know exactly what it is. [Melvin] Wow. This toot is a beaut. But youryour payback. You still deserve more. Look at that butt blaster, Melvin. Think of the stink cloud waiting inside. All you have to do is throw it. Be strong, brah. For your butt. We're gonna start singing super-girly songs about feelings and friendship. Be strong, brah. Friend, friend, friend Ship, ship, ship For your butt. [Lotta] Friend, friend, friend Brah, brah, brah No more holding it in! [grunts, sniffs] [howling] Our plan worked. Yay? [all coughing] Ha! Gotcha, Farty Girls! [cackling] -[all sigh] -You should have your tree house back. We probably shouldn't have taken it in the first place. That's okay. Just promise me that if I ever need a transplant, of any kind, you'll help me out. Even a butt transplant. [all grunt] -[sighs] -Is it really you? I-I don't know. You tell me. [laughing] Ah, feels like home. I've missed you so much! Question. Was turning him back to normal a huge mistake? -Yeah, definitely. -Yeah, probably.