VHMess/Transcript


 * Harvey Girls: I have the best idea for what to do today!
 * Dot: I'm certain we're all going to say the same thing, so Finally attempting the 14-hand hair braid.
 * Audrey: Oh, sounds fun is what you'll say when you hear my even better idea!
 * Dot: Is your idea behind that tire?
 * Audrey: My idea is that tire! [laughs] We can race on it, race in it, race against it
 * Lotta: Guys, let's get serious. We should teach my pet bunnies how to conga! (does a conga with two bunnies) Da, da, da, da, da-da Da-da, da, da, da, da-da Ooh! Hmm.
 * Dot: Three great options. So let's settle this with a Harvey Girls vote.

On three, make the letter of the person whose idea you want. One, two, three. Oh, I guess it's a tie.
 * Audrey: [groans] Why is picking fun never fun? It's the exception that proves the fun.
 * Lotta: Hey! Get back here, Joseph Gordon-Carrot!

[all panting] -Oh! -I'll save you! And I get to jump into a junk heap. Win-win! Are you okay? I'm covered in stinky mystery goo, and I think I swallowed a clock. [alarm bell ringing] So I'm better than okay! [laughs] Like, check this out! Ooh, that is some primo junk! -What do you think it is? -It's clearly a message from outer space! It says "Made in Taiwan." Right. Taiwan the space planet. The only way to figure out what it is really is to take it apart. Don't! This is an ancient artifact! It's probably from the American Revolution. [Bobby] It's a VHS tape. It stands for Very Historic Stuff tape. Right. So you mean this isn't an alien baby space pod? I'm afraid not. It's an old-timey movie cartridge. I love old-timey movies! The special effects were all so primitive back in the '90s. It's settled. Let's go watch it! But first, one more junk dive. [grunts] Ooh-hoo! Fresh-ish candy. [upbeat music] -[sniffs] -[slurping] Amateurs. Welcome to Harvey Girls Cinema. Our feature presentation is an extremely old movie none of us have even heard of. So it's a guaranteed fun fest. And now, enjoy Striking Danger Two: Danger Strike! Oh, uh, one second, trying to find the touchscreen. Maybe it's voice activated? Open. Please? I got this. You probably have to enter its secret code. How about just ram it in? Ram! Ram! Ram! Of course! The big one eats the little one! [exciting music] Well, well, well. If it isn't Blaze Trickle. It's over, Vlad. Drop the jewels or I'll drop them for you. [laughs] Who's the sidekick? I'll show you a side-kick! Ah! My sightball! [winces] -[gasps] -[gasps] [gasps] Okay, they're gonna get Run! [all cheering] We have an expression back in Mother Russia. AdiÃ³s. Kate, if we don't make it Don't talk like that. You're Blaze Trickle! Ah, Blaze Trickles are a dime a dozen. But there's something I want you to know [videotape squealing] No! [wailing and screaming] Narrative closure! I need narrative closure! No! You can fix it, right? Then you can fix me. Live! Don't you give up on me! -[gasps] -Ah! He's gone. Time of death twelve-oh-oh. He lived a long good life and gave people the joy of most of a movie. [sobbing] It should have been me! But what did Blaze want Kate to know? Yeah! And does Vlad's eye heal? Mm [wailing] This is terrible. I know. We'll never know how the movie ended. But what if we could? Of course! We can look up the plot synopsis online. What? No! I have a realistic solution. We make up our own ending. That's brilliant! We can make sure it ends exactly how we want it to. Just do it quick. I'm so worried about Blaze and Kate! They're hanging! Off a cliff! I can't take this much stress in my life. Come on, Lotta. [playing "Taps"] Let's give her a minute. Okay, we got almost everything, but where's the jetpack? Jetpack? There's no jetpack in this movie. Right, because they're saving it for the big finish. It's called showmanship. Also gonna need ten more of those. That would ruin everything the movie's been building to, which is clearly that Blaze reveals [scoffs] No. I don't want to spoil it for you guys in case you didn't figure it out. Um, bigger picture how do the puppies come into play? [both] Puppies? They were in that one shot in the background. They're basically the whole reason the movie was made. Okay, we clearly all have different ideas about how the movie ends. Yes. Except mine's obviously the most logical conclusion and therefore the only way to go. Why don't we compromise? We'll film each of ours and let the audience decide which ending's the best? You know I can't say no to the democratic method. Okay, but I'm telling you right now, people always vote for this. I really gotta start conserving those. [chorus] Hey! Ladies, gentlemen, wildlife, The Bow We Harvey Girls present you three possible endings. You tell us which one is the best. It'll be mine. But listen, there's something I want you to know. I'm not really Blaze Trickle. I'm Kate! Then who am I? You're Blaze! [laughs evilly] [European accent] I don't care who you are because I am [American voice] The President of the United States! And I say you're both pardoned. [patriotic music playing] All right, all right. Now on to the main attraction. Ha ha! My attraction. But listen, there's something I want you to know. I can fly! Blaze Trickle, explosions, boom! Bang! Explosions and stuff! Blaze Trickle, this is an ending! Vote for my ending! Ending! Bang, bang! Boom! [coughing] Um, am I supposed to keep hanging here? 'Cause I'mI'm up for it. And cut! [laughs] Nailed it in one take. Okay. Warning before you watch mine there will be feels. So I brought tissues. But listen, there's something I want you to know my puppy loves your puppy. [gasps] My puppy loves your puppy! Then we have a wedding to plan. [deep voice] I now pronounce you puppy and puppy. You may now nuzzle the puppy, puppy. So what do you think? No. Are Kate and the puppies safe? Who can fly? Nobody should fly, or everybody should fly. Soso we're just dropping the whole eye plot? And we're okay with this? You didn't like any of our endings at all? You know who was fantastic?
 * The Bow: Billy.

Such range. What? But mine was clearly the perfect denouement! I blew stuff up! Puppies! Parts of each were okay, but they still left us wanting more, because right now I feel like poor Blaze and Kate are still hanging on that cliff! -We still need narrative closure! -[all wailing] Yes! Or more hair to pull out! The critics are so rough. I don't think our endings were so bad. Yours had elaborate twists. Yours had action. And mine had dog romance. [all] But none of them had all three. Okay, guys, we worked together to come up with the perfect ending. We'll perform it for you now. But listen, there's something I want you to know. Shh. I already know. I'm the real Blaze! And I'm the clone Blaze in case you ever Blaze out. And you both work for me, the president of puppy romance. Let's get out of here. If anyone has any reason why these puppies should not be joined in puppyhood, speak now or forever hold your fleas. [chuckles] Well, Real Blaze, we done Blazed it Blazing right. Couldn't have put it better myself, Not-Blaze Blaze. -Oh, yeah! -Yeah! [cheering] [Tiny] This is satisfying on every level! Uh, sweet narrative closure. This makes zero sense. I approve. As Blaze Trickle says to Kate "Looks like we strike danger even better together." -We sure do -[Dot and Lotta and gasps] [chuckles] Yeah, that's gonna keep happening for a while.
 * Pinkeye: That's it? That's how it ends? What about poor Vlad's eye? Typical Harveywood, forgetting the eye-afflicted community!
 * Pinkeye: The saying goes an eye for an eye But when you're pink Your eye gets the stink And it makes you wanna cry I'm Pinkeye, Pinkeye Yes, that's me, that's I I'm Pinkeye, Pinkeye And I've got ocular pus Oozing down my sides Oozing down my sides