The Secret Strife of Pets/Transcript

[all screaming] [dramatic music] It's weird! But not good weird! I'm into it. [Tiny] It just showed up! Nobody's sure where it came from. Or if there's a better name for it than "it. " Stand back, folks! The Harvey Girls are here to take out the trash. Finally, the monster attack I have always dreamed of! [Dot] To catch a monster, you need the right outfit. -[clanging] -[all gasp] -[gasps] -[shouts] Mm-hmm. [grunts] [grunts] Monster contained. And way less monstrous than expected. -[animal chattering] -Oh, it's a puppy! No, that is a rodent. No, that is a wee-derbeast. A wee wildebeest? Come on, know your fantasy forest critters, people. [chittering] [both gasp] Whatever it is, we need to airlift it off our block for safety, because in my scientific opinion ew, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross. Whoa, whoa, Dot! [light clang] We can't just toss it away like that retainer I told my dentist I "lost. " It came to Harvey Street seeking sanctuary. - Yeah! This puppy -Wee-derbeast. -Rodent. -needs our help. It's up to us to find it a loving home. Who wants to be a pet? [roars, sniffs] That's puppy for "I do!" No, no, no. Pets are illogical. They are dirty, destructive, and make humans act dumb. You don't like pets? But pets snuggle and cuddle! To say nothing of nuzzling. [squeals] And you can do this to them. -[Lotta] Aww. -[Audrey] He thinks he's bread! But who will this cutieful little fella live with? You already have a few pet bunnies [giggling] and while I consider myself friend to all animals, I don't have the best track record as a pet owner. [laughs] Time for your exercise! Boy, you are out of shape. The CDC is the only home for Fluffy. Fluffy! That's a perfect name! Aw! No! It's an acronym for "Furry Lost Ugly Flea Farm Yuckiness. " And it could destroy Harvey Street. It could be full of deadly germs! Yay! Excuse for a bubble bath! -Or mind-controlling parasites. -[gasps] Coolsome! Or an evil force of chaos who only wants to watch the world burn! [chirps] More like a force of cuteness. Yeah, you're overreacting, Dot. Cute stuff can't be evil. Now to find you a forever home on our block, Fluffster. [chorus] Yeah! Go! Well-played. But I promise you, wherever we find you a home, it will not be on Harvey Stre [groans] [knocks, door opens] Hey Hey, Tiny. Remember that monster? Mm-hmm. I've had constant waking nightmares. Yes, go on. Well, turns out [singsongy] he's cute! And tiny! Which is like me, Tiny! That's why we think Fluffy here is the perfectly perfect pet for you. Yes, Fluffy is perfect, now that he has a full belly. He shouldn't need to eat again for, well, a few more minutes at least. [Fluffy chitters] Oh, don't worry. I'm guessing he only eats, like, four or five Tinys per feeding. -Ahh! Don't eat me, nightmare fiend! -Tiny! As the trusted president of the official Harvey Girls Fan Club And host of its unofficial podcast, Can't Harvey Wait! We'd like you to care for Fluffy. Me? [gasps] What an honor. Mm-hmm. Before we can sign off on you, there is a home inspection. -Is this where you live? -Yup! Why? "Lives in deathtrap. " -[gasps] -Wait, what makes this a deathtrap? Breakable windows, crumble-able walls, fall in-able roof. But that's, like, every house. Good point. Guess that rules out Fluffy living in a house. Pack your bags, rodent. Ugh! [growls] [Lucretia groans] Way to go, Lucretia. You just had to go and live in a house. [chorus] Shh! [Audrey] Melvin has a pet snake, so that's probably a deal breaker. [Lotta] Pinkeye has allergies, plus Fluffy would probably be allergic to him. If you must be allowed in our pristine, un-infested headquarters and I still think Fluffy should stay outside forever then this is your space. Do not step or shed over the line. -[retches] -Ugh. Fine. I never mentioned vomiting, so well-played. Audrey, Lotta, Fluffy needs a walk! [chorus] Shh! Whoops, I accidentally dropped your leash. You can run away now. [chitters] Boo! Run! Please run? [chitters] [groaning] [gasps] Your fur it's soft. Unexpected. Your eyes they're like windows to a land of infinite cuteness. Maybe you're not a threat after all, my lil' Fluffy, wuffy, wuffy [Lotta] Dot? Are you snuggling Fluffy? -Aww! -No. [stammers] I I was looking for super fleas! Oh! Find any? I don't know what I found. Don't worry, Dot, we found Fluffy's forever home! Fluffy's forever home? [thunder crashing] [door creaks open] [eerie music] I'd love to care for such a marvelous specimen. You chose The Bow? How? Why? She doesn't even have a real name! -Oh, yeah, I do, it's actually -Yeah, I know, I know. The Bow is very Bow-like, but check out her rÃ©sumÃ©. Hmm. Counselor, Camp Rodent. Semi-professional flea wrangler. Certified animal manicurist? [pleasant music] Dang, those cuticles are singin'! I know, I know, you wanted us to banish Fluffy to a foreign country, but in many ways, The Bow is the foreign country of our block. Fluffy, welcome to your new home on Harvey Street. Have fun with Bowsy! Well, then, here's his leash and some of his snack trash he enjoys eating/barfing. So long, Yuckiness. [whimpering] [Dot sighs] -[squelching] -[gasps] [sighs] You okay? You're sighing a lot. I am fine. You miss Fluffy, don't you? Fluffy, Fluffy oh, right, that filthy rodent who made my life a nightmare. Forgot all about him. [whimpers] The Bow will take good care of her. Weird care, yes, but good care too. You don't know that! Not that I care. Though maybe we should use my Dotcopter to check on her. Not that I care. [chorus] Shh! [suspenseful music] [Lotta] See, The Bow's house, and everything seems weird but in order. [eerie music] [all gasp] Oh, wait! [Dot] Phew. At least Fluffy seems okay. Tonight you sleep with the fishes. [both gasp] What's wrong with that? Fish are solid bedtime companions. It's an expression! It means she's gonnagonna [gasps] Oh, I can't say it. -[whimpers] -It means she's gonna kill Fluffy! What? That's cray-cray. No, that's cray-cray-cray! This is a big mis[gasps] RIP -[all gasp] -Fluffy! [all panting] Open up, The Bow! If that is even your real fake name! She's not answering. Always one step ahead, this one. [eerie music] [shrieking from inside] We need to get up there! Time for my parkour moves of fury! [exciting music] [Audrey gasps] [shouting] Aw, fudge nickels! These old houses were not built for parkour. [shrieking from inside] Fly me. You want me to fly you up there? But that's dangerous and, like, dumb! I'm not against it. I'm really just impressed. [exclaiming] Unhand that cuteness! Fluffy? The Bow's not hurting you? But then, what were those screams? [shrieking] Butbutthe RIP portraits! And you saying Fluffy was gonna sleep with the fishes! RIP is for "Ripley. " I name all my pets Ripley, believe it or not. And Ripley here will sleep next to the pet fishes. They're solid bedtime companions. That's what I said! [gasps] Oh, no, I forgot to feed my goldfish. Welp, uh, sorry for accusing you of pet murder. We'll leave how we came in. [chuckles] [squeaks] [soft shimmering music] No. Fluffy is dirty, destructive, and he makes me act dumb. But he he completes me. I see your heart is true. Fluffy is yours. Also he ruined my futon. Yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Sorry it took me a while to admit that I love you. [coughs] Actually, Dot was right. That's a rat.